He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
