I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
