Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
