If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
