So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
