he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
