Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
