I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
