you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
