Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
