i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
