come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
