I don't think brook has ever known best
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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