So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
