Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Randomize
