I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
