"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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