pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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