I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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