is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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