Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
