i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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