Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
