Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
