i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
