I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
