What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
