Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
