Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Don't make out with my wife yet
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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