For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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