'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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