So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
