She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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