so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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