It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
