Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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