I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
