for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i drank out of a bidet.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
