i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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