Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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