Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
