I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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