You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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