garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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