Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
