Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
