When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
