What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
