Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
