You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
