I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
