I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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